Why can't everything be easy?

The cat is howling for breakfast. He knows two words; NOW and MUUUUM. I swear, they are his people words.

Awake since 5:30 the dawn of time thanks to the dog apparently only I can hear across the road. determined to sleep through it, I doze until 9:30 11:30 when I get up with a cluster headache from clenching my jaw.

I haven't let the dog out for a 'business meeting' yet as I am in my pajamas. She will only conduct her 'business meetings' on the nature strip.
Yes.
She is especially adept at conducting business if other neighbours are walking past or pulling up in their cars. This morning is no different. Another dog walks past so they decide to have a conference call. Much business is conducted.
As I am the lowly secretary, I have the fortune to clean up after the whole affair. I mentally move around some appointments and re-schedule her next appointment to be hosted by my husband instead.

Breakfast time. Lunch time.
Pop down the toast. check some emails. ooh, some hits on my latest listings, what have people said? I'll just reply to a few...why is everything so smoky?
I have put the toaster on the crumpet setting. One side is almost black whilst the other side is under cooked to perfection.
Nevermind, we're out of butter.

'MUUUUM, NOOOOW'.
Ah.
Slop him some food, consider not feeding the dog so as to not have to have more meetings.

Now, just pull out the sewing machine, ooh another email. Reply.
Reply.
Reply reply reply.
No I am not super popular, the internet has stopped working. Reset internet. Reset. Reset reset reset. Ok will come back to that.

Dog barking like the apocalypse has hit.
Postman.
Yes I know our gate is broken.
Call real estate.
No, I do not have the time to come into town to write this on a piece of paper hence - I am calling you. Email it? I can do that.
Ok, email. email email - oh right internet broken.

Sewing. hmm, to sew. remember the time I...
5 30 minutes later.
Ok. OK. Ok ok ok. lets go.
#time lost in fuzzy montage of cat meowing, phone calls, three - possibly four visitors all telling me the gate is broken. Stubbing my toe, getting partially dressed, pulling out materials, yelling at the computer#

It is 3:30 5:30; nothing done. Haven't eaten.
I decide to give up on the objectives of the day and pick up some material and sew my sorry little feelings out. Something for myself, yeah, a big old 'screw you world' and your dog poo, broken gates, burnt toast and constant distractions.

So I've sewn myself a mascot. A misanthropic piece of crap whom I love and sympathize with deeply. For those of you who watch the Adult Swim comic, Metalocalypse, you will know who I mean. For those of you who don't, well, here he is. William Murderface. My hero.

And here's the song that makes it all make sense: Warning, there is much swearing 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MKFX8kWHDzo